you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
