Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize