just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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