did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have peed in a lot of sinks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
