oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
