Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
