Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
