Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
