i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
