So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize