Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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