you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
