i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
