Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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