Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
