I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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