i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
