i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
