Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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