i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
