Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My bed smells like the plague
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
