she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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