Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
