well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
