i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize