Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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