I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
