I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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