My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
