just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
