why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
