I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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