As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
