I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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