"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
