U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
