Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
