Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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