just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
