Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
