If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
