i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
