no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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