cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is my gift to your gina
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
