i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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