he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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