I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
