remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
