a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
