she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
