Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
