ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
