i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
