who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
