I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
