She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
