It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
