I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
