Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
