just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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