im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
a search helicopter?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We're too hungover to prance.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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