in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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