just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
