ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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