This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
