It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my poor anus
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
