I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
not ubering you a puppy
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
