It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize