too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
