i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
